A Christmas NOTHING tale with apologies to Mr. Dickens!!!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times......

Deep in his dimmly lit cave of an office, Ebeneezer Dispatcher sat at his cluttered desk concocting ways to keep the firms beleaguered drivers out over the Christmas holiday, with phone receiver in one hand the, dreaded, red pen in the other and with a sinister growl "I'll show these fools, Christmas Bah Hum something or other!" As he scribbled in loads for delivery on the most joyous day on the calender!

One by one the drivers were given the bad news and if one ever so much as complained, well that person was doomed to sit at a Flying J for almost an eternity(which for some is more than 8 hours)!

 

Mr. Dickens would like your analogy Doc!!
How true the trucking world is....dispatchers and the loads just don't quit,even during the holidays.
After all,we move 80% of all goods in this country,so I think us truckers are pretty darn important to our way of life.Heck,were more relied upon than the mailman! Neither rain nor sleet or snow,can stop us.Well,maybe an ice storm will!
What I'm saying here means NOTHING to most people. Thus the irony in this post. The average American doesn't realize that most everything they own was delivered or has been on a truck at one point or another. If they only knew! I just smile and take pride in my job,knowing this!
Happy holidays to you and yours Doc!

 

Y'all do remember how this got started, right? It had to do with CAD's post about the Ignore feature, and how bluebeetle told TF his wife needed it .... :lol: CAD said that wasn't the place to talk about TF's libido...

- writing me a check for $350 just for running on the Holiday :!:

I'm so excited! And I just can't fight it!
I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it!

 

...Just as Ebeneezer thought he had finished his dirty deed a name jumped out off the page like a flashing neon sign... Cobb Ratchet.. Ebeneezer scowled, spat in disgust and grumbled. "I'll make your merry very unmerry Mr. Ratchet!"
With fingers, much like sledge hammers, pounding the keyboard the evil old fuck sent the hapless Ratchet the Qual-Comm from Hell, noon delivery Christmas Day to the Hunts Point Market in the South Bronx.

The Qual-Comm beeped in the ragged Freightliner our hero was driving, as Cobb looked at the screen his smile turned to a frown as he threw the screen to the floor. His hopes for a holiday off were crushed beyond recognition as the lyrics to an old holiday classic danced in his head "I'll be home for Christmas"
Ratchet knew it was useless to argue and or protest swallowed his pride and drove on to the appointed pick up point.

Meanwhile, satisfied with a job evily done Ebeneezer hobbled off to his travel trailer parked behind the main office. This home on wheels was nothing short of a rat nest with minimal electricity, running water or, many other creature comforts.
Ebeneezer sat down to his usual dinner, cold pizza(bet you thought it was Gruel) and flat Pepsi. After his dinner the evil old fuck drifted off to sleep only to be rudely awakened by a slap in the head.

Jumping from the chair Ebeneezer found himself facing a person, dressed somewhat like Captain Jack Sparrow with an after glow....

 

MORE! MORE!

 

...Rubbing his eyes, Ebeneezer managed to squeak out "Who are you?"
The glowing dude responded he was a messanger, like AOL, and he was there to warn the miserable worm that he was to be visited by three, really pissed off, trucking spirits.
Ebeneezer didn't believe the guest at first but didn't dare argue with someone dressed like a Disney character.
"Expect the first at the sound of but a single airhorn blast" The guest said.
"Can I see them all at once?" Ebeneezer asked quite agitated.
"Get real dumb ass!" The guest replied "They will all visit you in their own good time, now get some sleep it's going to be a rough night!"
The word "night" echoed in Ebeneezers head as Captain Jack faded into the dark...

"Bah" Ebeneezer shouted "It's too damn late for Hallowe'en and I didn't like Pirates of the Caribbean either!"
With the excitement over Ebneezer climbed into bed and drifted, yet again, into a fitful sleep...
The blaring of an extremely loud "Rooster Cruiser" horn caused our evil antogonist to jump clear out of his bed and land on the floor.
"I guess you're the first of the three the pirate spoke of?" Ebeneezer asked
"Yeah" was the reply "Get up fool and look upon me"
Ebeneezer did as was commanded and found himself looking at another glowing type person.
"And you are?" he asked
"I'm the pissed off driver from Christmas past!" Was the chilling response
"Long past?"
"No, stupid, you're miserable past why in Hell do you think I'm here!"
Ebeneezer stumbled backwards at the tone of the response or, was it the strong odor of bad truck stop food, either way it made him gag...

 

"Enough of this stupidity!!" Barked the Pissed Past Driver "Times fleeting fast and there's a lot of crap to go through!"
"But I'll freeze!" Cried Ebeneezer.
"Too damn bad Chicken Little, just climb in to the passenger side of this ancient Marmon and speak no more!"

In a flash the two were off tumbling and screeching through many years past until a rough bump brought the old vintage rig to a stop.
"Recognize this place?" Ebenezeer was asked
"W-w-w-why no!" Ebeneezer stammered
"Figures, this was the place where you were just a sniveling yard jockey!"
The response made our evil anti-hero shiver.
The Pissed Past Driver grew ever impatient as the two rocketed back toward the present. Most of Ebeneezers life was a dark blur and really not worth mentioning with the exception of, Lucy, the Truck Stop Queen from Baton Rouge where, Ebeneezer, got his first taste of back lot loving and just for the mere pitance of $50. This just may have been what changed the bastard in to the miserable dispatcher he is today, then again, maybe not...

Ebeneezer awoke with a start and found he was back in his POS trailer. "What a nightmare!" he thought "I got to quit eating cold Dominos pizza for dinner!"
A cold acidy voice remarked "It was no nightmare, your nightmare has yet to come!!!"
Ebeneezer ducked under his torn blanket but fear and curiosity made him peak through the large tear to find a Cletus T. Judd type person standing in the room.
"C'mon let's get going, I gots a delivery at Mclane Foods and don't want to be late!!" Cletus said
"Get the fuck out of my home or, I'll call the law!" Ebeneezer screamed as he reached for the phone...
Cletus person just laughed taunting Ebeneezer as he tried to dial 911 on a rotary dial phone only to find the circuit busy.. The situation at hand was getting grave for our anti-hero as visions of being tied to the left rear wheels of a 53 foot trailer danced in his head.
Cletus person grabbed Ebeneezer and dragged him out to a real piece of shit REO.
"Am I assuming you're the Pissed Present Driver?"
"Well Duh-Huh genius!" Cletus replied as he pointed out all the upset drivers who wouldn't be home for the holiday thanks to Ebeneezer and other miserable dispatchers like him.
"OK, OK,!!" Ebeneezer screamed "I've seen enough!"
"No you haven't!" Laughed Cletus as he pushed Ebeneezer out of the REO into the path of the most ominus Peterbilt anyone had ever seen....
"OH SHIT!" Ebeneezer cried out as the Pete hurtled towards him......

 

Come on Doc, you got a lot of readers that are beggin for more; quit draggggggin it out. :x

 

Wasn't it some old Vaudeville actor who once said "Leave 'em wanting more"?

 

....As if frozen to the pavement Ebenzeer watched in horror as the big black Pete roared up to him stopping only inches from his body. The suspense was eating at our anti-hero as the driver side door opened and the mysterious driver stepped out all Ebenezeer could see was black boots but yet didn't dare look up, he did guess he was in the presence of the Pissed Future Driver.
The next thing Ebenezeer felt was being lifted off the ground and shoved into the dark confines of the Pete and all the while the driver never made a sound as the Pete eased on into a grey mist which, Ebenezeer, hadn't noticed before.
"aren't you going to speak?" Ebenezeer struggled to ask.
A slap in the head was the only response he received and a very cold, hard slap it was too.
"I guess there's no use in asking where we are going either?" a much more timid Ebenezeer squeaked out.

The ride hadn't lasted long as the mist disapated and Ebenezeer sat staring at one of the companys trucks sitting at the locked gate of the Hunts Point Market.
"T-t-t-thats Ratchets truck!" He blurted out. "Why did you bring me here?!"
The mystery driver just pointed out the window. Ebenezeer jumped out of the Pete and found to his horror a body laying against the steering wheel and shattered glass covering the ground. Ebenezeer called to Ratchet but received no response.. He tried to climb on to the fuel tank when the mystery driver blew the horn Ebenezeer struggled to stay with the ragged Freightliner but found himself being pulled back to the Pete.
"WHY?" was the only question he could ask as the Pete roared off into the grey mist.

The mist lifted again and Ebenezeer found himself staring at the familair brick office building he worked at but all was not right in the transportation universe as he stepped out of the Pete. He took only a few steps and fell to the ground sobbing as he touched a sign with the following saying attached to it: FOR SALE OR LEASE
Ebenezeer slowly got up and walked to the rear of the building only to find the burned out shell of his beloved trailer, tears welled up in his eyes as he turned to the mystery driver and sobbed "Why show me all this if I'm a prick like everyone says I am?!?!"
Getting no response Ebenezeer stood and cried as the big Pete rumbled off into the growing darkness. "Wait, you can't leave me here!" but alas he was all alone with nothing not even his shadow to comfort him...

A loud crash frightened Ebenzeer as he leaped up and found him still in his bed. "Holy shit!" He yelled "I'm still here, the Pissed Drivers did it all and didn't wreck the sheets!"
Ebenezeer ran back to his dingy, dim office, clicked on the brightest light he could find and set to work sending Qual-Comm messages to all the drivers he had previously screwed. His fingers flew like lightning over the keyboard trying to get ever single one right.
The responses were swift in returning, with the exception of one, wishing the old bastard a Merry and a Happy. The lone exception caught Ebenezeers attention "C'mon Ratchet answer me!" he muttered as he stared at the blank screen. He was about to call the NYPD to check on the driver when the computer beeped with Ratchets return message thanking Ebenezeer for the change of heart.....

Did the crusty old dispatcher really have a change of heart? Many around the terminal seemed to think so but there's always next year!!!!

And as Tiny Tim once observed: God bless us, everyone!!!

Enjoy your holiday..From the Doctor